The Administrative Side of Death - The Paperwork

Earlier this year, a friend of ours served as executor for an estate. From what I've heard, this is a herculean effort that requires a lot of time and patience, especially if the estate has to go into probate.

The roll of executor is to carry out the terms of the will and to settle the estate. The process can be difficult, or it can be less than difficult depending on the size of the estate and the amount of preparation the testator (the person who wrote the will) puts into it.

In our friend's case, the burden was made easier because the person for whom he served as executor had prepared for the administrative side of death. Not just in stating his wishes for his funeral and in writing his will. He made a list of all of his financial accounts and titles, and had placed the paperwork together with his will. Having all the paperwork in hand helped our friend settle the estate and close out accounts faster, easier, and more accurately than he could have had he been forced to search for the information.

How about you? If something were to happen, do you have a will in a safe, secure place, and can your executor or family find it? Is your insurance, bank, retirement, property, vehicle, debt, etc. paperwork in place with your final will? Will your family/executor even know what accounts you have that must be settled?

What about your social media accounts? If something should happen to you, can a loved one get into your accounts to close them?

This is on my mind because this past year alone, we've known of several people who died unexpectedly. My husband officiated at a few of those funerals. We've spoken to our daughter, who will serve as executor of our estate, but we have yet to gather all the paperwork she'll need to carry out our wishes. It will be a tedious task, for sure, but writing down our wishes for our funeral (even if we don't expect that to happen for another thirty years, D.V.) and preparing all the paperwork ahead of time, updating as needed, will make life easier for our children.

The Administrative Side of Death - The Funeral Home

Death is hardly an interesting topic, but it's a part of life that we all have to face at some point. Either with a friend, a family member, or with ourselves. At times, it happens earlier than we anticipated.

Because my husband has been in the ministry for seventeen years, we deal with death on a regular basis. In the twelve years we've been at our current church, he has officiated at so many funerals for people in our congregation and members of their families, he's lost count of the number of times he's stood before an assembly to help honor a loved one's life. Some deaths were expected. Many were not. Through it, we've learned much about the administrative side of death, first with the funeral home and second with the paperwork.

Just about every aspect of a funeral cost money. If you use the funeral home's chapel, there's a charge. If you go elsewhere (such as a church) and have the coffin brought to the venue, there's a charge. If you have a viewing, there's a charge. It also requires a makeup artist to fix up the loved one for the viewing, so there's a charge. I'm told having the funeral home raise the lid and lower it costs money as well. And those are just the fees I know of. Consequently, to keep funeral expenses down, my husband and I decided not to have a viewing, no makeup artist, and not to have the coffin brought to whatever location the service will be held. We'll simply have a memorial at a church and then a graveside service. That should bring the funeral cost down between $5,000 and $7,000. I'll have to research if that amount includes cemetery associated fees (someone has to set up that tent and dig that hole) or if that's in addition to funeral home costs.

We'll have to state all this in writing, because a few representatives from funeral homes have been known to pressure family members. In their grief, the bereaved often make decisions they wouldn't make under normal circumstances. As a pastor who has accompanied widows and adult children to funeral homes for planning, my husband has heard, on more than one occasion, "Don't you want your loved one to have the best?" Such manipulation recently cost a widow her husband's entire life insurance policy, plus some.

While that doesn't represent the actions of all funeral home reps, we have to plan in advance on our own to avoid making decisions when we can't think straight. Free funeral planning worksheets can be found online. We'll download one and fill it out, updating it as needed. My husband served in the Air Force. We'll also contact our local VA office to see what benefits they provide. The money we'll save will help our family.

Next, my husband and I will need to gather all the documents for our "estate." I'll discuss that in my next post.