Christian, What Do You Believe?

Christian, what do you believe about the Bible? It's a question many are asking at the church I work at after recent events. Earlier this year, my boss--the pastor here for five years--passed away in his sleep after a year-long battle with LGL Leukemia. Since this is a denomination in which pastors are assigned, an interim pastor was appointed until an official pastor could be found. That happened earlier this month. When the announcement was made, aftershocks swept through the church. Why? Because it was a woman.

Many will say so what? It's a big what, and it started numerous discussions about what the Bible teaches about women holding church office, the denomination's stance on the scriptures and tradition, and even the origin of the denomination itself. Which is good. Such conversations should be held. It forces people to examine what they believe and why. However, I knew what the Scriptures said on the subject and knew I was about to lose my job.

That, too, sent a bit of a shockwave through those who heard. I like working here and they like my work. "Wasn't that fundamentalism?" one person asked. Not at all. I'm sure others felt it was legalistic. Even as I processed the shock of the unexpected and upcoming demise of my job and paycheck, I explained the Scriptural stance, that it had nothing to do with chauvinism, patriarchies, legalism, or even capability. It was a simple obedience to the Scriptures, i.e. placing a man in the position of pastor is a picture of Christ the Bridegroom caring for His bride, the Church. 

There are other factors at play. As I explained to everyone who asked, there is a group in our denomination that is working hard to subvert the standards and, "change the fabric" of our denomination so that it better fits a particular social view. A group that fully holds to the ordination of women. My husband is a pastor in that denomination, and he and I have been speaking out against this push. If the Bible isn't the "light" and "lamp" for God's people, "God-breathed and...useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work," why in the world did we have had to leave our children and the place we love so that my husband could teach the full counsel of the Scriptures in context? Considering those circumstances, I couldn't speak out against the ordination of women at our church and then go to another church and support a woman in that role.

However, I truly didn't want to lose my job and paycheck (I cannot emphasize that last part enough) so I prayed about it, discussed it with my husband, and consulted with someone in our denomination, who, after a week of prayer, counseled me to resign. A co-worker and I even looked for loopholes (yes, I regret that now.) When it came down to it, I couldn't do my job without violating the Scriptures and my conscience. I have no choice but to leave at an appointed time.

Some felt we just need to give her a chance. One person stated this person had faced similar objections at her previous assignments, but eventually overcame them. I'm not surprised. When pushing for something contrary to the Scriptures, the goal is to "overcome (objections) through familiarity." A sentence and truth I found in a chapter on why the Huguenot assimilated with the Anglicans in the 1700s after migrating to South Carolina. But this wasn't about her at all. It was about a female serving as an ordained pastor. One person tried to justify it by using the example of Lydia (when he meant Phoebe) who was called a servant, in the original Greek a word some like to translate as Deaconess. But the Scriptures never indicate she held an actual office in the church. Another person said, "I know it's in the Bible but...." My heart sank at that, as the hearts of many in the ministry must sink when someone admits they know the Word of God but they do what they want anyway. 

That, my friends, is Sin Nature and the reason we need a Savior in the first place.

Biblical illiteracy is high in this day and age. People simply don't know what's in in the Scriptures. Some won't read it at all, either because they're intimidated by its size or because they're afraid they won't understand it. Consequently, they rely on others to tell them what's inside without examining the Scriptures as the Bereans did to see if what was spoken is true. Many infuse their politics into their faith, perverting the Word of God for a social agenda. 

Do you know what you believe and why? Do you know what your denomination holds to and on what basis it came into existence? We're all to, "Do (our) best to present (ourselves) to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." (emphasis mine.) If you don't know I've been quoting Scripture or where to find them, start reading. Pick a gospel and then read Acts, Paul's epistles and then the general epistles. Read three chapters a day and keep everything in context of what the disciple of Christ is saying, to whom, and why. When you're done, start on the Old Testament. And keep reading over the years. Then you can better decide what you believe and know when it's time for you to make a sacrifice for the faith.

What to Do When You Don't Know What to Do

From an early age, I had two major goals in life. I worked on those goals during the majority of my adult years, investing time, money, and a lot of effort in the hopes of achieving them. Despite all that effort, neither goal came to pass. To say I was--and still am--disappointed is an understatement.

I'm a Type A person who loves to be busy and to produce. At a time I expected to find myself working hard on the other side of my met goals, I instead found myself with very little to do. Getting forced to stay inside a house in a rural region during a pandemic didn't help. So I did what I could do. I started a large crochet project. I learned how to make and can strawberry and peach jam (I tried blueberry, but it kept coming out more like candy than jam.)

Though I don't play the piano, I memorized a couple of songs that could be useful in church, since we lost our high-risk pianist to concerns over COVID. I made a few masks for people at church. I cut out pieces for a purse that I've yet to put together because sewing construction is hard. I started a new crochet project after completing the previous one and read until my wonky vision made both impossible to do (one cataract surgery down, one to go, so please pardon any typos I made.)

I watched TV, started listening to podcasts, took bike rides and walks. My husband bought a big garden box for me and I planted vegetables in it. Now, I've turned my attention to learning how to make small quilts. I do anything I can to produce, because I can't stand feeling useless.

Some may call that being busy. While it is, it's busy work, filler, with some ministerial applications, since I did some of it for others. None of it is what I feel I was meant or called to do.

God places His people on this earth for a purpose--to minister to the Body of Christ around the world, to do good works that will glorify His name, to teach others about Him and more. What my purpose is, I don't know yet. Maybe the busy work is it. Perhaps, like a quilt or that purse I've yet to pin together to sew, I'm gathering all the pieces and tools I'll need for whatever it is I'm supposed to do. In the meantime, I'll keep learning and doing stuff.

Precious in the Sight of the Lord

I've worked at a particular church for just over four years. During that time, the church has had just one pastor--my boss. There were three of us in the office, and not once during those four years did we have a dispute of any kind. There was no contention, no egos, no posturing. My boss was aware that I'm a Reformed Presbyterian working in a Methodist church, but our theological differences didn't cause division. Instead, it prompted several good discussions. Perhaps it helped that we pegged one another as sci-fi geeks early on. I could make Star Trek, Star Wars or similar references and get a laugh instead of a look that suggested I was too old for such things. It's been a fantastic work environment.

A little over a year ago, my boss was diagnosed with LGL leukemia. It came as a surprise, but he didn't allow it to become his primary focus. He seemed more annoyed that it interfered with his pastoral duties on occasion. He wanted to keep everything as normal as possible. I honored that wish by maintaining normalcy on my end in the office, with the exception of occasionally pestering him with questions about a bone marrow transplant.

For most of 2019, doctors treated his condition with medications. When it became apparent neither drug would work, a second bone marrow biopsy was performed. Aplastic anemia was added to his condition. It was time for chemo.

During those first two (awful for so many) weeks in January, my boss was in the hospital—the first week receiving bags of chemo, the second week recovering. He might have been out of the office, but he was never gone. Even as poison dripped into his veins, as he put it, he was sending me emails and giving direction for several tasks, including funeral preparations for a member who suddenly passed away, which I had to help coordinate. I was totally out of my element and appreciated his input.

After chemo, he had to isolate for two months, emerging from his medical hibernation just as the coronavirus pandemic began. He was determined to get back to his duties, though, and did so even as he socially distanced and quarantined. During these months, we watched him grow deeper in his faith and closer to the Lord. That growth was evident in his sermons and in the articles he wrote for the newsletter.

But the chemo didn’t work and there was finally talk of a bone marrow transplant. Still, he worked, and he wanted to work until he had to take leave. We called him the most active, healthiest-looking sick person we knew.

Until last week when his condition suddenly deteriorated. He stayed home this past Monday and Tuesday. When he didn’t show up for work yesterday and we didn’t hear from him, the director of music went to check on him. Sometime the previous evening, our boss had sat in his favorite chair to rest and slipped into the presence of the Lord.

The perishable left behind.

We were a mess yesterday as we dealt with the shock of his passing. Some people came to the church just to be there and to cry with others. People are asking questions. Someone wanted to know why the Lord took him. They can't view it like that.

Death and the evil of this world tried to make my boss and so many others like him suffer and to destroy him. That's a result of the Fall and the subsequent fallen world. But having saved my boss and made him a member of the Body of Christ, God plucked him up before he could be destroyed. As Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians:

For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?”

Death and evil failed to destroy my boss. Not only did he grow closer to the Lord and deeper in his faith during his ordeal, but in a victorious act over death, God rescued him. The staff and the congregation at this church will miss him, but we know he's worshipping his Lord and King, his Savior.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.

The Struggle Between My Wants and His Will

Eight years into our marriage, my husband felt the call to the ministry. I'd witnessed him growing in the faith and his desire to spread the gospel, and knew some manner of ministry was in our future, but I never guessed he would be a pastor. My first response was, "I can't be a pastor's wife. I wear blue eyeliner and red sneakers." (I was young back then.)

He was so happy after submitting to the call, he just grinned and told me I would do fine.

Who, Me?

A couple of decades later, I can assure you he was wrong. I've given up the blue eyeliner and red sneakers (praise God!) However, I'm too much of a Christian layperson to even try to affect the image of the smooth, superwoman that is the American Pastor's Wife. Part of my problem is that, while I recognize what an honor it is to serve the Lord and I've grown tremendously over the years in that role, I had my own dreams and desires, not to mention an insatiable case of outdoor-Carolina wanderlust, all of which took precedent over my husband's ministry.

In case you weren't aware, placing one's desires over the Lord's will doesn't go over well with God. I can't speak for Him, but I've imagined that's the reason I went from gaining traction with one particular effort, winning a few awards as I worked toward my goal, to falling flat when I stepped out to pursue it as a career. And part of the reason why, out of all the wonderful places the Creator could have placed us in His Carolina creations, He plopped us in the middle of farmland, just out of reasonable driving distance from the outdoor destinations I love.

My wants would have taken us elsewhere, but I recognize the Lord's ways are higher than mine. We love the people in our congregation and I've seen them grow in faith under my husband's dedicated pastoral care. I understand this is where God wants him to be. But God's will often has dual and multi-purposes. In this case, it seems he's training me as he "feeds" his people. Even as the fallen nature in me struggles against that, I recognize it shows, as does the creation I long to spend time in, how good a God we have.

I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in this role, but I have found myself rising to the occasion when the occasion warrants it. God is aware of my deficiencies in this area. However, I know and trust He is more than able to work my weakness for His good will.