Christian, What Do You Believe?

Christian, what do you believe about the Bible? It's a question many are asking at the church I work at after recent events. Earlier this year, my boss--the pastor here for five years--passed away in his sleep after a year-long battle with LGL Leukemia. Since this is a denomination in which pastors are assigned, an interim pastor was appointed until an official pastor could be found. That happened earlier this month. When the announcement was made, aftershocks swept through the church. Why? Because it was a woman.

Many will say so what? It's a big what, and it started numerous discussions about what the Bible teaches about women holding church office, the denomination's stance on the scriptures and tradition, and even the origin of the denomination itself. Which is good. Such conversations should be held. It forces people to examine what they believe and why. However, I knew what the Scriptures said on the subject and knew I was about to lose my job.

That, too, sent a bit of a shockwave through those who heard. I like working here and they like my work. "Wasn't that fundamentalism?" one person asked. Not at all. I'm sure others felt it was legalistic. Even as I processed the shock of the unexpected and upcoming demise of my job and paycheck, I explained the Scriptural stance, that it had nothing to do with chauvinism, patriarchies, legalism, or even capability. It was a simple obedience to the Scriptures, i.e. placing a man in the position of pastor is a picture of Christ the Bridegroom caring for His bride, the Church. 

There are other factors at play. As I explained to everyone who asked, there is a group in our denomination that is working hard to subvert the standards and, "change the fabric" of our denomination so that it better fits a particular social view. A group that fully holds to the ordination of women. My husband is a pastor in that denomination, and he and I have been speaking out against this push. If the Bible isn't the "light" and "lamp" for God's people, "God-breathed and...useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work," why in the world did we have had to leave our children and the place we love so that my husband could teach the full counsel of the Scriptures in context? Considering those circumstances, I couldn't speak out against the ordination of women at our church and then go to another church and support a woman in that role.

However, I truly didn't want to lose my job and paycheck (I cannot emphasize that last part enough) so I prayed about it, discussed it with my husband, and consulted with someone in our denomination, who, after a week of prayer, counseled me to resign. A co-worker and I even looked for loopholes (yes, I regret that now.) When it came down to it, I couldn't do my job without violating the Scriptures and my conscience. I have no choice but to leave at an appointed time.

Some felt we just need to give her a chance. One person stated this person had faced similar objections at her previous assignments, but eventually overcame them. I'm not surprised. When pushing for something contrary to the Scriptures, the goal is to "overcome (objections) through familiarity." A sentence and truth I found in a chapter on why the Huguenot assimilated with the Anglicans in the 1700s after migrating to South Carolina. But this wasn't about her at all. It was about a female serving as an ordained pastor. One person tried to justify it by using the example of Lydia (when he meant Phoebe) who was called a servant, in the original Greek a word some like to translate as Deaconess. But the Scriptures never indicate she held an actual office in the church. Another person said, "I know it's in the Bible but...." My heart sank at that, as the hearts of many in the ministry must sink when someone admits they know the Word of God but they do what they want anyway. 

That, my friends, is Sin Nature and the reason we need a Savior in the first place.

Biblical illiteracy is high in this day and age. People simply don't know what's in in the Scriptures. Some won't read it at all, either because they're intimidated by its size or because they're afraid they won't understand it. Consequently, they rely on others to tell them what's inside without examining the Scriptures as the Bereans did to see if what was spoken is true. Many infuse their politics into their faith, perverting the Word of God for a social agenda. 

Do you know what you believe and why? Do you know what your denomination holds to and on what basis it came into existence? We're all to, "Do (our) best to present (ourselves) to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth." (emphasis mine.) If you don't know I've been quoting Scripture or where to find them, start reading. Pick a gospel and then read Acts, Paul's epistles and then the general epistles. Read three chapters a day and keep everything in context of what the disciple of Christ is saying, to whom, and why. When you're done, start on the Old Testament. And keep reading over the years. Then you can better decide what you believe and know when it's time for you to make a sacrifice for the faith.

The Struggle Between My Wants and His Will

Eight years into our marriage, my husband felt the call to the ministry. I'd witnessed him growing in the faith and his desire to spread the gospel, and knew some manner of ministry was in our future, but I never guessed he would be a pastor. My first response was, "I can't be a pastor's wife. I wear blue eyeliner and red sneakers." (I was young back then.)

He was so happy after submitting to the call, he just grinned and told me I would do fine.

Who, Me?

A couple of decades later, I can assure you he was wrong. I've given up the blue eyeliner and red sneakers (praise God!) However, I'm too much of a Christian layperson to even try to affect the image of the smooth, superwoman that is the American Pastor's Wife. Part of my problem is that, while I recognize what an honor it is to serve the Lord and I've grown tremendously over the years in that role, I had my own dreams and desires, not to mention an insatiable case of outdoor-Carolina wanderlust, all of which took precedent over my husband's ministry.

In case you weren't aware, placing one's desires over the Lord's will doesn't go over well with God. I can't speak for Him, but I've imagined that's the reason I went from gaining traction with one particular effort, winning a few awards as I worked toward my goal, to falling flat when I stepped out to pursue it as a career. And part of the reason why, out of all the wonderful places the Creator could have placed us in His Carolina creations, He plopped us in the middle of farmland, just out of reasonable driving distance from the outdoor destinations I love.

My wants would have taken us elsewhere, but I recognize the Lord's ways are higher than mine. We love the people in our congregation and I've seen them grow in faith under my husband's dedicated pastoral care. I understand this is where God wants him to be. But God's will often has dual and multi-purposes. In this case, it seems he's training me as he "feeds" his people. Even as the fallen nature in me struggles against that, I recognize it shows, as does the creation I long to spend time in, how good a God we have.

I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable in this role, but I have found myself rising to the occasion when the occasion warrants it. God is aware of my deficiencies in this area. However, I know and trust He is more than able to work my weakness for His good will.

The Instant Pot: Hype or Magic Genie for Terrible Cooks

Note: all references to Instant Pot in this post refer to the trademark brand by that name, not a generic term grouping all such devices. See note at bottom about following instructions.

I am America's worst cook. If not the worst cook, I'm up in the top percentage of them. My husband and children can confirm this. I wasn't taught to cook as a teen. Though I tried my best when my children were growing up, unless I made a few pasta dishes I was good at (which I now cannot eat after learning I'm allergic to wheat) I'm a disaster in the kitchen. Even simple things like gravy and sauces are out unless I have a packet of dry ingredients and instructions. I once accidentally blew up boiled eggs. Bits of shell and egg white were stuck to the ceiling for weeks.

Consequently, my husband cooks lunch (our main meal of the day.) The rest of the time, we eat soups, sandwiches, or frozen entrees. As a pastor's wife, this is kind of a big deal. I am, after all, expected at times to feed visitors and members of our congregation.

I was tired of processed food and shamed over my lack of ability. Having read numerous posts written by friends who gushed over their multi-functioned Instant Pot, I started researching what I thought was a new gimmick.

My initial research suggested one could simply throw all ingredients in this modern marvel and a delicious meal would come out. Could it be that simple?

The short answer is yes and no.

I'm convinced the Instant Pot was designed by a NASA engineer. The display has a variety of buttons that offer more functions than I've yet to figure out. A digital display not only keeps track of time, it displays a variety of messages. Since it is part pressure cooker, I studied three resources to make sure I knew how to use the contraption before I attempted my first meal.

While there is a learning curve, time spent reading the instructions and warnings are well worth the effort. That's the extent of the "No, it isn't that simple," aspect of the Instant Pot. When it comes to cooking, oh my, this terrible cook is terribly impressed with this thingamajig!

There was some prep work--dicing a few things and gathering ingredients, but once that was complete, the hard work was basically finished (for the dishes I chose, at least.) After that, I just had to saute a few things (which I did not know how to do, but the Instant Pot comes with a very helpful saute function) then, following the easy instructions on the easy recipes I chose, I tossed all the ingredients in the pot, closed the lid, set the vent to seal, pressed a few buttons, and a short time later, a meal popped out.

So far, we've made chicken and potatoes, red beans and rice, and chili, which I was craving.

See that, y'all? I MADE RED BEANS AND RICE AND CHILI! And it tasted good! This is akin to a miracle.

Not only can I make meals for me and my husband, I can cook meals for fellowships, whether at church or at home.

If you're a bad cook and are thinking of trying the Instant Pot, I recommend it. Just make sure you read all instructions and warnings and proceed with caution. It is a pressure cooker and special care must be taken.

But it's worth it.

A Week Of Lessons: On My Exile and Being a PW

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 
 - Romans 8:28-29 (NKJV)

It's been a week of lessons for me. Perhaps it's better to say my eyes have been opened to the lessons I've learned. The first epiphany I had this past week was on hearing when I hear and the dangers of failing to do so. The second relates to what I refer to as my exile.

God wastes nothing. The scriptures are filled with circumstances and events that had, in the end, multiple purposes. The Promise Land wasn't just real estate God handed over to His people. It was a land in which He would preserve the lineage of Christ and the place where Christ was born, ministered, suffered death to pay the penalty for sin for those who believe, and then where He overcame death so we could have life everlasting. That land also represents our heavenly home, the New Jerusalem. And Christ healing people wasn't just to help those in need. It was a sign to those around them--and to us today--of the power of the living God who stood before them.

I've experienced this multipurpose framework in my own life. Eleven years ago, my husband was called to ministry in a rural region of eastern North Carolina. He was a perfect fit for the congregation. So much so, he is now the second longest serving pastor the church has had in its seventy-four year history. Over the years I've watched him teach solid biblical theology to the congregation, visitors, and Airmen and their families who have walked through the church doors seeking such rich teaching. He has also sat with members whose loved ones were undergoing surgery, and with those whose loved ones had passed away, and who needed both comforting and guidance through the burial process. He has visited the sick, the prisoner, and those who hate him for no other reason than the fact he's a minister of the gospel. This is what the church wanted in a minister and to this day they're grateful God brought them together.

For me, our move to the rural flat lands of an agrarian community has served a different purpose. It has been a time of isolation, of deprivation from the people and places I love. A time and a place of exile. And as we know from the scriptures, God places people in exile for a reason. 

Anyone who knows me knows I am not the typical pastor's wife. Why would I be? I wasn't raised in a Christian household, nor did I marry a minister. In a short amount of time, I went from being a regular Believer who served in various capacities in the church on occasion, to being a minister's wife after my husband of ten years accepted a call even I could recognize. I did my best during the first decade of my husband's ministry, despite the load of expectations that went along with being a PW. Then, when my husband stepped down as a Baptist minister after discovering and studying the doctrines of the faith and joined the Presbyterian Church in America, I discovered the role of pastor's wife took on a whole new dimension. No longer was I just expected to do everything people tried to volunteer me for, I was suddenly supposed to socialize and serve as grand hostess to frequent dinner parties as part of Christian hospitality.

Panic set in. I can't cook! I had never thrown a dinner party in my life. Due to a secret my mother desperately tried to keep from me (which half the town knew and which I later found out anyway, but that's another post) I wasn't properly socialized. Faced with these foreign challenges, I wanted to find an exit and run.

I tried to explain all this to the Lord in prayer, but examples of those who likewise felt unequal to the task He had set before them came to mind. I couldn't argue while remembering similar protestations from Moses and Gideon.

Short of leaving my husband (which I did not care to do; I rather like the guy) I had no choice but to follow him. Doing so not only meant placing myself in a position for which I wasn't qualified or prepared, it meant leaving the Blue Ridge Mountains, a region I'd fallen in love with and didn't care to trade for a flat land completely devoid of scenery. That alone crushed me.

So I pushed back. During those first few years, I didn't even try to be the PW, and I made it clear to the congregation I was just a layperson whose husband was called to the ministry. I had another focus, a task for which I felt better suited.

In other words, I had a rebellious, stiff-neck, complainy attitude not unlike that so many of the Israelites displayed during their long sojourn through the desert. An attitude that not only had to be addressed, it had to be corrected.

So I was placed in exile.

Eleven years have passed since my husband was called to serve in this church. The years have been tough. There have been tears and a few tantrums (that I like to attribute to surgery-induced early menopause and its accompanying insomnia--another reason I needed to be kept in isolation for a time. I was pretty cranky.) As for the task I arrogantly claimed I was better suited, that failed completely. I finally had to abandon ship and trudge to solid shore.

I've had some tough times and learned some hard lessons, but I've learned a lot from these people, and I've grown to love them. So much so, I've sat with a spouse on more than one occasion in the moments after their beloved of many years passed away, shared prodigal parenting fears and frustrations with others (who appreciate the fact that I understood what they were going through. See? God never wastes anything, even our pain.) And so much more.

I still miss and long for the beauty of the Blue Ridge and feel dismal when I pass field after scraggly field devoid of the grandeur of God's creation, and I'm still not the typical pastor's wife. I never will be--I'm not sure I was called to be one. But I am the right person for my husband and for our congregation. People who are too down to earth and busy for dinner parties. We're happy laughing over pot luck fellowships and enjoying occasional outings.

This may not be where I want to be, but it is where God wants me to be for now (and maybe forever, who knows.) While I can still feel resistance at that notion, I love and trust Him enough to say, "Here I am, Lord," when a need arises in our church, even if I'm not up to the task. For He assures me, "all things (even my efforts) work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

And that does reassure me.