A One Flat Life

Several years ago, I decided to play the flute. The decision was part desire, part necessity--it was something I'd wanted to do since I was a child, and we'd lost yet another pianist at the church where my husband serves as pastor. Someone had to fill in when necessary. Since I wanted a flute, it might as well be me. Within days of making that decision, everything fell into place to make it possible. A secondhand flute became available for a great price, and the musician who sold it to us recommended a teacher.

Having had previous musical experience, I picked it up quickly. During my first lesson, I played a few songs.

While the church eventually hired another pianist, I had to step in to provide musical accompaniment for the congregation on occasion. This involved more than just playing the song. I had to provide an opening and set the tempo for congregational singing. Playing too fast or too slow caused people to focus on the music in order to keep up instead of on the words they were singing.

To complicate matters, I deal with severe stage fright. When I played, anyone watching would often see me sway from side to side. I wasn't swaying with the music. I was shifting weight from one leg to another to control the shaking.

With all that in mind, I decided it was best to make the experience as easy as possible for all involved—in particular, me. This meant avoiding songs written in a variety of keys I found difficult, meaning any key that contained more than two flats or sharps.

In fact, one flat was best. I didn't have to use my pinkie finger to press a key, the one flat (Bb) allowed me to easily support my flute throughout the song, and there were no difficult-to-play sharps or flats, or notes that I rarely encountered and thus couldn't remember.

While explaining this to my husband one day, who was picking out hymns for a service, I was convicted by my words. I wanted a one-flat song because it provided everything I needed to play the flute without fear of making mistakes or causing myself embarrassment. I wanted it safe. I wanted it easy. In that moment, I understood I want the same for my life.

I grew up around volatile people who loved drama, arguments, and problems. At times, even a little danger. I didn't know how bad our situation was until I married a laid-back Texan and moved away. The less-than-stellar interpersonal skills formed during those turbulent childhood years didn't help. That awkwardness resulted in conflicts at times, though I meant no harm to begin with.

Then, my husband was called to a church in a rural community far from civilization and the mountains I so loved. The change upset me at first, and I struggled with the isolation of country life and being far from the people and things I loved. To make matters worse, lifelong dreams crumbled to bits, and I was blindsided by heartache and rejection from people I viewed as friends.  

From that point on, I wanted safe, quiet, easy. In other words, I wanted a one-flat life. A life that provided everything I needed to avoid making mistakes. A life that allowed me to simply walk away from people or any conflict that arose. It was now mine, and I happily embraced the quiet and isolation offered by the agrarian region in which I dwelled.

Perhaps the time of peace and quiet was a gift from the Lord. If so, I'm beginning to think it was just for a season. God didn't call us to be hermits (and believe me, I've grown rather fond of the role.) But as I once again dedicate myself to practicing my flute, focusing on the more difficult keys to play, I have to consider it may be time to once again step out and allow myself to experience the more difficult aspects of life, meaning people. After eleven years of near isolation, the thought discomforts me. However, as a Christian and as one whose husband is in the ministry, I'm to support the Body, share the good news of Christ, and to minister to others. I don't relish the thought because I'm now convinced this redheaded Kentuckian doesn't have a clue how to do it. I'll hit a wrong note on occasion, I'm sure (I upset someone during evening service last night) but the Lord's command is to love others, and I can't do that if I shield myself in the comfort of my house.

So pray for me as I transition from a one-flat to a three-sharp life. If nothing else, it will be interesting.